That Friend Who Always Cancels

Last week, I cancelled plans with a close friend hours before we were scheduled to meet. I texted her, "I totally goofed" and explained why we needed to reschedule. (My excuse was a forgotten family obligation.) She didn't text back right away. I followed up with, "Are you mad?" She responded, "No. But we should talk." Uh-oh. When we did, she read me the riot act. In essence, she said that as a single mom, she liked to have plans on her nights without her girls. (All I could think of was that scene in Jerry Maguire when Cuba Gooding, Jr. chews out Tom Cruise for playing games with a single mother.)  She also told me she was "annoyed" with me--and "hurt."

Did I try to defend myself? No. I agreed 100% with everything she said and promised to do better. I went on to say how much I appreciated her for confronting me--and calling me out on my carelessness. Incidentally, research shows that women are far less likely to resolve conflict than men. I think it's, in part, because we're told to "be nice" as little girls. What we aren't told is to "be true to your feelings." If you have a friend who cancels repeatedly or with short notice, don't get all passive-aggressive and say, "No. It's fine. Really." Confront her like an adult. Be honest. If this woman values your friendship, she will do better. If she doesn't, cancel that friendship. 

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